12th February 2022

I didn’t really sleep too well and kept waking up in think in shock that I actually verbalised my unhappiness.  I have never felt a morning more awkward, where nothing has changed but at the same time everything has changed.  How do we carry on? Like normal? Brush it under the carpet and wait for whoever one of us brings it up next? Do I offer to make him coffee or shall we just rip off the plaster now and start acting single under the same roof but also weirdly acting the same in front of the kids?  I have decided to offer coffee and ask if he has any suggestions for dinner.

This evening was strange, I’m getting the feeling he thinks I am due and I have just had one of my monthly rants! I tentatively explained that I did mean what I said and he said he is well aware.  We ate dinner in silence.  I also need to add in amongst the silence and the discussions we have a child who is trying to show us dances from Tik Tok, questions about Anne Frank, a hormonal daughter and not forgetting me! A woman in her early forties who sometimes I think borders on the brink of having a drinking problem and questioning if I am entering perimenopause.